Orlando Furioso, Canto XXII

In this canto we learn Ariosto is more likely to name a horse than a squire. 

We also learn what happened to Grifone, Aqualant, and Sansonetto. Also the Knight Motel and the wizard Atlante put in an appearance. 

But first, let’s finish with Zerbino and Grabina.

When last we left them they heard some great commotion ahead and rode to see what it was. What they see is a knight lying dead on the ground. Who is it? Well, Ariosto says we need to wait a bit before he’ll tell us. The tease.

Next it’s off to Astolfo. He’s decided to walk back to Europe from the Levant by way of Armenia. Travelogue ensues, but only a small bit. Before long he’s back in England where he hears how everyone has gone over to the continent to help Charlemagne. So that’s where he goes: back to Europe. As soon as the ship lands, he mounts Rabican and sets forth with his squire (who doesn’t deserve a name I guess?). Traveling is hard, and the heat unbearable. He stops to drink some water when a filthy peasant hops out of the bushes and steals Rabican. (Good job, squire…) Astolfo chases and before long he spies a strange palace in the wood. And we know the place! 

It’s Atlante’s Knight Motel, which Astolfo promptly enters and gets lost in. After a bit of wandering he declares enough is enough and takes out Logistella’s manual of magic. In there he reads all about enchanted palaces and how to destroy them. It turns out that Enchanted Palaces are created by a sprite concealed under the threshold stone. Of course, Atlante, that bastard, is nearby watching all this and he’s not about to let Astolfo destroy his Knight Motel. He puts some illusions on Astolfo so all the knights captive in the Motel will think Astolfo’s the cause of their problems. They attack. Astolfo draws his horn, and BLAP. The blast shakes the whole place, causing Atlante (the sprite under the threshold) to flee. This breaks the enchantment and the Motel dissolves. Of course, all the knights inside also flee, but not before gathering their stuff. Astolfo finds Rabicano and Ruggiero’s hippogriff as well. Back on Alcina’s island he learned how to ride the creature, and that’s what he gets ready to do, except he’s worried about leaving Rabicano behind. (How he feels about his squire is unknown.)

But, enough about Astolfo!

Ruggiero and Bradamante were prisoners in the Knight Motel and now that they’re free, they engage in a lot of chaste flirtation. But Bradamante will only marry Ruggiero if he becomes a Christian. No problem he says, so off they go to find some high level cleric to do the deed. But before they can get there they find an old woman sobbing for some prince doomed to die because he cross-dressed his way into his princess/lover’s bedroom. The old lady implores the knights to help the transvestite prince, and they say sure let’s do the thing. Off they ride until they come upon a crossroad. Here they can choose the quick dangerous way or the long safe way. Of course, they choose the dangerous way.

And why is it so dangerous?

Well, that’s because there’s this awful knight over there who has shamed three champions into fighting for him, and these champions attack everyone they see. The champions defeat their challengers and take their clothes in order to rectify the great shame done to the awful knight and his awful girlfriend. Yes, that’s right. It’s that bastard Pinabel. And if you remember, it was Pinabel that betrayed Bradamante all the way back in Canto II. Things are set for trouble. But who are these champions stuck serving Pinabel? They’re Grifone, Guidon, Aqualant, and Sansonetto who were forced to pledge loyalty to Pinabel under duress. 

All this is a long way of saying Bradamante and Ruggiero ride to Pinabel’s castle. They get there and an old man comes forth and tells them to just give up and leave their weapons, armor, and clothes on the ground there. Ruggiero is like “hell no” and so Sansonetto comes out to (reluctantly) kick his ass. But, it doesn’t go that way. You see Ruggiero has Atlante’s shield. Remember that from Canto IV? It shoots rays and knocks people out? When Sansonetto hits Ruggiero’s shield he rips the silk covering over it and zappity zap the beams are shooting forth. Sansonetto gets knocked out, then the rest of the gang follows suit. Meanwhile Pinabello rides out and Bradamante is like “that asshole stole my horse” and charges him. He flees. She pursues. Back at the castle no one notices as they’re all attacking Ruggiero and getting konked out by his laser-shield. That done, unlike most D&D players, he realizes he defeated all his enemies by nefarious means and decides the shield needs to be pitched down a well. So that’s what he does, leaving everyone unconscious on the ground behind him. 

Meanwhile, Bradamante has caught up with Pinabell and “a hundred times pierces his cuirass”. Goodbye, Pinabello! Only now it looks like she and Ruggiero are separated again and “fortune to the lovers is unkind, for divergent and divided their paths stay.”

And so, on to the next canto.

Which is the last canto in Part 1! We are about to finish the book!              

CANTO SCORE CARD

Knights: Zerbino, Astolfo, Ruggiero, Bradamante, Grifone, Guidon, Aqualant, Sanasonetto, Pinabello, a dozen other knights trapped in the Knight Motel  

Mages: Atlante, Alcina, Logistella (both mentioned in passing)

Damsels: Gabrina the Crone, Pinabel’s Awful Girlfriend

Horses: Rabican the Horse Astolfo might abandon for the hippogriff

Swords: 0

Monsters: Gabrina the Crone, a filthy peasant (who is an illusion?), the hippogriff, 

Magic Items: the Knight Motel, Ruggiero’s Magic Shield, Astolfo’s Horn of Blasting, Logistella’s Magic Encyclopedia

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